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Bringing the Beefcake - Nothing New Under The Sun
(the ARX acta diurna)
bellatrys
bellatrys
Bringing the Beefcake
I know it's fashionable to dismiss this line, because it's become so proverbially identified with T&A, but why? Surely it can be treated in a mature, adult manner, as befits its angsty and historically-informed subject matter - after all, it's not like it's been abandoned, what with the new anime version coming out--




Inspiration drawn from here, here, here, and here.

And also here, because I was in a hurry, and also to cover my backside, so to speak, and besides, that's also part of what we're mocking, with Greg Land - although I daresay I chose a better original to trace - and the deliberate errors even in tracing of photos to add still more sexiness [sic], too.

--Surely Top Cow won't have any problem bringing this matching title out, right? Getting Frank Cho to draw it, and Mark Silvestri, and Sideshow to make a collectible model of it, and licensing an R-rated video version, and no store owners will feel embarrassed putting it on the shelves, nor fanboy feel embarrased bringing issues to the register to purchase them, because it is absolutely 100% appropriate...as anything they've done so far, that is.

Come on, folks, surely we can come up with a character bio and angst-filled, dramatic story for the first comic ever to tell the tale of the man chosen by fate to wear the legendary WitchCup, eh?

--Okay, because I'm not totally lost to all decency and sensibilities and so forth, here's some advertising art from a more wholesome era to help you recover....

[D&RLH]

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Comments
From: deiseach Date: October 11th, 2007 12:04 am (UTC) (Link)

*cackling like a crazed hen*

Oh, definitely. We must immediately strive to reconstruct the tragic backstory for the poor lad. Can't you see how he has suffered and struggled?

I also really like the pose in that advertisement for bath towels - it would go so well with this subject, after all: the view in profile would allow us to examine the contours of the Witchcup in greater detail - all for purposes of story research, of course!

Oh, I wish someone *would* do a cover like this someday, just for the hell of it.
From: nenya_kanadka Date: October 11th, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: *cackling like a crazed hen*

*joins D in the corner cackling*

I think it is the red jewel in the, er, lower armour that finished me off. Heeeee.

Off to see what yer next contribution is. :D
voxwoman From: voxwoman Date: October 11th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC) (Link)

Hahahaha!

I haven't clicked all your inspiration links, but I surely recognize Mickey's Dave

I wouldn't change a thing.

Now, does the cup look like a chalice when it's not activated? Does it smell like an old jock strap?

Does it adjust size and shape if the wearer gets aroused? (I remember seeing Henry VIII's jousting armour - his metal codpiece was... er.. shall we say.. impressive.)

As far as the character goes, should he be working in a profession that's not "typical" for his gender; like, say Day Care Worker? Geriatric nurse? (ooh, that could have some moments - he is the one giving the 90-year-old women sponge baths, and changing their Depends.)
bellatrys From: bellatrys Date: October 11th, 2007 12:15 am (UTC) (Link)

Well, you know what it has to be--

that is, going by series continuity, if Excalibur is a fragment of the Witchblade, that means this, or a part of it, is the Grail!

And doesn't the Witchblade armour flex and expand as Sarah (or whoever) moves? So I imagine the corresponding Mystickal Doodah embodying the Female Principle must also accommodate its wearers...
fledgist From: fledgist Date: October 11th, 2007 12:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Now that is homoeroticism's homoeroticism.
bellatrys From: bellatrys Date: October 11th, 2007 10:38 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh, I think you'll find that, au contraire,

I have tapped into the collective Fangirl Id there, judging by five years of LOTR fandom and more of Buffyverse - and what's popular themes for vidding among a self-selected randomized international mass of fangirls on YouTube.

From the razor-sharp cheekbones (mmm, Spike!) to the brooding look (Spike again, Angel, Wesley Wyndham-Price, you name 'em), to the flowing bishonen hair (mmm, Legolas!) to the blatant muscular-yet-sleek nakedness (wished-for but so rarely provided fanservice) except for arms/armor (a whole expensive class of fangirl fetish in itself!) I couldn't have tailored this any more to half-a-decade's worth of expressed femfan fantasies unless I'd poured chocolate over him...

Funny you should assume that it was meant to appeal to a *male* audience, though!
jonquil From: jonquil Date: October 11th, 2007 02:40 am (UTC) (Link)
For maximum eviltude the WitchCup should look like a hand grabbing the guy's equipment, just as the WitchWonderBra does.
bellatrys From: bellatrys Date: October 11th, 2007 10:40 am (UTC) (Link)

Well, you know there are often alternate covers...

for when they can't decide which single turn-on to limit themselves to, so why not have this one in Cho's style, and then others in other styles? That would allow for D's suggestion of more 3-D'ness, too [EG]
the-willow.insanejournal.com From: the-willow.insanejournal.com Date: October 11th, 2007 04:47 am (UTC) (Link)
The WitchCup, the true form of the Holy Grail, a long lost sentient device of unbelievable power, has chosen Daniel Land.

Dropped from ancient skies, lain dormant for centuries, eventually found and formed to the shape of the cup by its very first Chosen One - it is a weapon to be feared. Tribes and armies have fallen before it - this strange device than can kill, or drain.

And now virile young Daniel will be it's newest Host; not quite victim, not quite master.

Daniel Land for whom the wearing and using of such a device is at total odds with his day job as a Yoga-instructor and his up=bringing by herbalist grandparents. Only the brutality of rape could ever have made his thoughts in synch with the 'Cup, for even a moment; a flicker of rage at the vile intrusion of his body and the callus murder, by the depraved street thugs, of his dog.
(Deleted comment)
skapusniak From: skapusniak Date: October 11th, 2007 10:12 am (UTC) (Link)
You mean you didn't draw any inspiration from here or their many many eager competitors? I'm sure they'd go for some of these suggested plotlines, tho' you've definitely got the better cover artwork, and I don't think any of them do comics -- yet :)
bellatrys From: bellatrys Date: October 11th, 2007 10:44 am (UTC) (Link)

Not so much, really--

I've never been really turned on by the guys on romance novel covers, most of the time, because they are generally lacking that certain *edge* that makes up the sort of fanservice that appeals most broadly to the fangirl soul - the combination of sleek gracefulness and darkly-brooding but with a razor edge that keeps them from being just emo-boys.

Hm...maybe another alternate cover could have WitchCup with just a leather duster thrown over his armor...
evilstorm From: evilstorm Date: October 11th, 2007 11:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh wow. *laughing all the way*
From: rationalmadman Date: October 11th, 2007 12:59 pm (UTC) (Link)

Amusing, but not in the way you think.

Whats really funny is that as common as these "lets give those evil mysogonists a taste of their own medicine" posts are, Ive yet to see anyone bitching, whining, complaining or otherwise acting the way the vaginal hive mind does when female characters are drawn this way.

From: sajia Date: October 11th, 2007 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Amusing, but not in the way you think.

You almost had me there, before you used the term "vaginal hive mind".
If you're going to claim the higher ground, make sure you're actually ON the higher ground.
the-willow.insanejournal.com From: the-willow.insanejournal.com Date: October 13th, 2007 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sweets, now that you've named him (hee Daniel Long - so porn star :) ) and given the series a tag, you should tag this one WitchCup too.

I am so fricking tempted to write story for him. I must be missing my not!crazy pills.
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